Friday, August 28, 2015

Tantra for Dummies: Use These 3 Tips to Tap Into a Tantric Orgasm, and Start Your Journey Towards Being a Sex God

What do you think of when you hear Tantra? For some they jump to the texts of the ancient religion dealing with the process of using our worldly beings as a way to access the outer limits of reality and bring ourselves closer to Samadhi or enlightenment. But you weren't thinking about that were you? No, I know you, you were thinking about sex, crazy, never ending, ultimate, blissful sex, and maybe Sting, for some reason a lot of people think of Sting. 

Well fine if that's what you wanna talk about, that's what we'll talk about, sex. Just keep in mind sex only plays a small part in the actual ancient texts of Tantra, but because we're all have a collective, naughty mind, let's just focus on the naughty. But what exactly is Tantric sex? And how can you use elements of this style of getting down to make yourself a better lover? All in good time.

First, let's talk a little bit about the premise of this whole thing. Tantra has roots in ancient Indian (like from India) times, like 5th Century AD kinda ancient. This is not going to be a lecture on ancient philosophy and religion though, so excuse me if I skip over some details. Basically the ancient yogic texts were all about the search for Samadhi (enlightenment). Most of the traditional philosophies believed that in order to reach this state of pure consciousness, one had to go above and beyond the temptations and pleasures of a normal human existence. This meant going beyond good and bad, right and wrong, pain and pleasure etc. Only by commiting oneself to this lifestyle could one go beyond this state of normal human existence into this higher level of consciousness. 

Tantra arose as an alternative viewpoint from this more traditional sect. Though it was not originally focused on sex (as it's now usually associated), what tantrics believed was you could use certain elements of the human experience to also elevate yourself to this higher plain. 

Enter Sex...

If you've ever had an orgasm (and let's hope for your sake you have) you know that in those brief few moments of ectasy, the entire world goes blank. Your mind completely clears, and for a brief second, you enter into another state of consciousness. You are completely and utterly in the present moment, totally conscious, and then... it's gone. So Tantric Sex attempts to train oneself to extend these moments. Women have a natural advantage, which is why they were revered in the tantric community. Multiple orgasms really are a thing of beauty when you're trying to get closer to enlightenment... or whatever. Men unfortunately aren't so naturally gifted. We get a small glimpse at the light, then it's over from anywhere from five minutes to an hour (depending). However, there is hope! With proper training a willing partner, and lot's and lot's of practice (poor you I know), you can tap into your inner tantric God, and be well on your way to finding Samadhi (or just having really awesome sex). With that in mind I present:

"Tantra For Dummies: 3 Quick Tips To Tap Into Your Tantric Orgasm, And Start Your Journey Towards Being A Sex God!"

3. The 80% Rule

This is the most straight forward and most simple intro tip. When practising to channel your inner tantra, treat sex like it's a scale. Imagine 0-100%, 0 obviously being nothing, and 100% being that brief moment you have your final "Vinegar Stoke" (The League Anyone?). For men the key is staying in a certain range, you feel good enough that you can stay um, at "attention" but not so good that you cross the point of no return. This is why having a excited, willing partner is key. When you first start out on your road to tantric glory, you will need to take some breaks along the way. Breaks are cool if your partner is on board, not so cool if it's some chick you picked up at the bar, who is wondering why you keep pulling out and breathing hard every five minutes. 

For Tantric Sex you have to refine what it means to have an orgasm. For men we associate the orgasm with ejaculation, but these are actually two seperate processes which through a life of training we've become accustomed to having mere nanoseconds apart. In reality, the chemicals released in our brain upon orgasm and the release of sperm from the ejaculatory ducts are two seperate occurrences. So by training ourselves in this 80% zone we can learn to control this impulse, and eventually seperate it. With practice (lots and lots of practice) you can slowly increase your pleasure threshold past the 80% mark into 90 even 95%. Resulting in the chemical release associated with the orgasm, without the physical release typically associated with the orgasm. With lots of practice and commitment (life is hard I know) you can actually train yourself to experience the male equivalent of the female multiple orgasm. Just be careful, even with a bunch of training the threshold still exists, and once you pass it, anatomically there's no going back. So if you're planning on practicing the Tantric "Pull-Out Method" just be wary, let's just say, "accidents" can happen.

2. Sublimation

This one is a little more tricky. If you want to look a little farther into it, simply google "Tantric Sublimation" and you can spend a few hours looking up different techniques and guides to keeping cool under pressure. In lamens terms what this basically means is "tighten that shit up". Sublimation is a Yogic and Tantric process of moving energy up through our bodily system. Without getting too sophisticated this essentially means practicing tighetening techniques of the prostate gland and the urethra (the hole in your ding-dong). 

As you continue to practice and engage with your partner, you use these breathing and tightening techniques to move the flow of energy away from your downstairs, upwards. There's a variety of ways to do this, but a few are more effective then others. Like I said hop on google and check some out for yourself. Just to give you an idea, imagine your partner is on top. It's starting to feel, really, really good, pushing past your 80% threshold. By focusing on tighetening the muscles downstairs and taking deep breaths, you can attempt to overcome these sensations and move the energy away before it's too late. The key again is making sure you have someone who is on board (literally and figuratively) so they won't question all those strange faces you're making. Which brings us to our last tip.

1. Communication

If you're really committed to giving Tantra a shot, the biggest thing you need is  partner who's on board. Doesn't matter if it's a long time girl friend, former babysitter, or maybe just some chick who was doing yoga poses on Tinder, having a willing, enthusiastic partner is key. Make sure you have discussed this and they know what they're getting into, but honestly if you say "I wanna get better at sex so we can have marathon sessions together", they probably won't argue. Also realize, this is something that takes time, and it goes against everything we see in our "normal" exposure to all things sexual. There are no "money shots" in Tantric Sex, well, at least there's not "supposed" to be.

Once you've found a partner and they've agreed, just realize at first things can be a little frustrating. Many women struggle to have an orgasm period, so the idea of prolonging yours might sound all well and good, until she's super close and you decide it's time to pull out and sublimate. But focus on the long game, make sure your partner knows what they're getting in for, and the rest is all about practice.

So go out there, get someone willing, and get to it! 

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Damaged Goods: What To Do When You Find Out a Women In Your Life Has a History of Sexual Abuse

Before we go any further, let's take a moment to address that headline... "Damaged Goods". Is that really how we think of women in this country who have been victims of some form of sexual assault? Unfortunately, a lot of the times the answer is yes, and I for one think that needs to change. The reality is more staggering than you can imagine. Each year there are close to 300,000 sexual assaults in the U.S. with most of these going unreported. What that means is that number could be even higher, and in my experience it definitely is.

The truth is, that the majority of women have experienced sexual assault in one form or another at some point in there lives. This doesn't mean every women walking the streets has been a victim of rape (though the numbers on that are shocking as well), but most have been victims in some sense. Whether it's rape, unwanted sexual advances, sexual harrassment or anything else of the like, the point is most women have an experience involving their sexuality they'd rather not share. For me this topic hits home. Many of my best friends on this planet happen to be women, and for one reason or another they all seem to confide in me at some point. I'd like to say the idea of hearing these stories gets easier with time, but the truth is I always find myself infuriated at whoever the perpetrator may have been. I find myself asking questions like,

"Who would do this?"

"Why wouldn't you come forward?"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

But as I've met more and more people with age, and encountered more and more stories like these I've learned quite a few things. The most important being how similar many of these stories are, and what it says about the person who's finally able to share it with you. 

This is an article for men who may be in the dark on this topic. It seems many of my own guy friends are oblivious to this disturbing trend. If this sounds like you, or you've recently found yourself in a situation wondering, "How do I deal with this information," then take a few minutes and learn from my own experience. Whether it's your best friend, your girl friend, fiance or wife, doesn't matter, what matters is how you deal with receiving this new information, and what you can take away from it. 


When a women you care about and cares about you decides to open up to you about this topic, it's usually not something done casually and in passing. If you find yourself in this situation and you don't know what to do as you process this new information the best advice I can give you is simply don't DO anything. Realize that for her, this isn't easy, but she cares enough about you, that she wants you to know. This can be a huge step in a relationship when someone opens up to you with this type of story. The best thing you can do is simply hear her out, don't interject, don't get upset, simply let her tell you in her own time this story and how it's played a role in her development.


The first time a women opened up to me about a sexual assault in her past I was in college. It was my best friend at the time, I was 18, and I simply didn't know how to handle it. As I grew up and I continued to be confronted with this trend, I found that many (in my experience, the majority) of women had situations when they were younger. It disgusts me to think about, but the statistics show that the majority of assaults are committed by someone the victim knows, and many times someone older. This means by the time this person is opening up to you this is something that happened a long time ago. That doesn't by any means make it easier, it simply means they've spent the years in between dealing with it, what they need from you is for you to understand how it has shaped them. Especially if it was in the past one of the worst things you can do is talk about reporting it, or doing something about it, sexual assault is one of the trickiest crimes to prosecute, especially if it's been years. They don't want a solution from you, they just want you to know, to understand this difficult part of their life, and that they trust you with this information. 


I can't speak for every women who's ever been assaulted, but I do know they come in all shapes and sizes and backgrounds, but the one's I've known have all shared one similar quality, strength. This is not to say that women can't be strong and independent without trauma, but those who have faced these travesties and dealt with them, and become better women because of them are a sight to behold. Unfortunately, many women never get over the issues associated with such an event, and even the one's who get "over" it, are never really over it. What they share however is a belief that they are stronger than their circumstance, they will not let one situation change the person they want to be. For some women it takes years, for others not as long, but just know if she's telling you these things it means to some extent she's dealing with it, she's not letting it define her, and she wants your support. 


"I don't want you to think any differently of me." This is something I've heard uttered far too many times for my liking in past relationships, and again when I was younger, I didn't quite know how to process it. My first thought used to be, "But you were raped, how could this NOT change things," but the truth is it's not about you, it's about her. If someone feels close enough to share this information with you and your view on them changes, then you probably didn't deserve to be with her in the first place. The truth is however, you view SHOULD change, but for the better. She doesn't want to be viewed as a victim, she doesn't need your pity, and if those are your first thoughts, then you have some growing up to do before you're ready for the real world. However, if you see her through a new filter, admire her courage, stand by her side in silent support, then you just affirm the reason she trusted you in the first place. 

Whether you know it or not, in relationships past or future, you've probably been or will be with someone who has been a victim of sexual assault. Remember that her situation doesn't change the person she has become. Remember that she doesn't want your pity. Remember that she's telling you this because she trusts you, because she wants you to know. Finally, if you've been affected by this situation make a change of your own. Remember how it felt when someone you cared for opened up to you about this for the first time, and realize if we want to stop this trend, it starts with all of us. We can't change the past, but if we really care for the beatiful women in our lives, we can hold each other accountable for a better future. 

And remember ladies, you're beautiful, because you're you, and no one can take that away from you.  

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

10 Reasons You Need to Stop Letting People Tell You There's Only 10 Reasons to Do Shit

1.) Just Kidding

That would be pretty stupid right? If I was writing an article about why you should stop reading articles about lists telling you how to live your life... with a list. The truth is something has snapped in our singular consciousness, and I am not immune. In fact, I've made the majority of my strides in the blogging world by creating just that, lists. "6 reason to do this", "21 Reasons why you shouldn't do that". What is it about bullet points that makes it the only way we can seem to process culturally relevant information anymore?

In this age of social media, why does it seem that we can't focus on anything that doesn't tell us exactly what we need to do? I mean, none of us are the same right? All of our situations are slightly if not significantly different right? So why are the vast majority of the articles I see spread throughout social media founded in this principle that you have to have some kind of checklist guideline to live your life by?

Why are your "6 Reasons Not Quitting Your Job to Travel is a Waste of Your Life" relevant to me? Maybe I don't want to fucking travel! The truth is I actually wrote that article that gained a huge amount of internet traffic, but as it was doing that I couldn't help but think, why? Why, couldn't I simply write an article about my passion for traveling, not wanting to be tied down, and wanting to see the world, without singling out groups of people that would feel left out. The truth? Because nobody would publish it. So what is it about these articles that we find so appealing? Is our generation so riddled with ADD, that we simply can't focus on anything that will challenge our mental capacity outside of a clear and concise list? I certainly don't think so, and I certainly hope not. 


This is a hard question to answer. Maybe it's simply due to the fact of relatability. If people see a list that relates to them, they are instantly interested, they are the ideal target market. The same way people who swing conservative watch FoxNews, and liberals watch Bill Maher. It seems that we all have a need to fill our own set of customs and beliefs, and the easiest way to do that is to see something that instantly pops out and says, "Oh... That's Me!". 

This all plays back to social media and this age of interconnectivity. You can literally find a group for EVERYTHING now. Star Wars geek... check. Anime Fiend... Check. Lesbians Who Love Ruby Rose... Check. Crazy Cat Videos... TRIPLE CHECK! We are so accustomed to getting exactly what we want whenever we want it, that the idea of reaching outside of our comfort zone and our preconceived world values seems silly. If I'm a staunch liberal, why would I bother reading anything Bill O'Reily has to say? Through our need for singularity we've taken creativity, debate, and social commentary out of the equation.

It's the same reason that every week it seems like some long time sports personality or TV host is in hot water over a comment deemed too politically incorrect in this day and age. People don't like hearing things that make them uncomfortable, and media pays attention to that. It doesn't matter if the rest of your viewership agrees, if one person feels attacked, it can sink the whole ship. This is why media has become so one-sided. Left is left, right is right, there can be no more inbetween, because unless there's 50 Shades of it, gray makes us feel uncomfortable. 


The simple answer would be, challenge yourself, challenge your opinions, think outside the box, but c'est la vie, life is not always so simple. So here's what I propose. Stop being so goddamn sensitive. This includes myself as well. I'm just as guilty of ignoring things that challenge my worldview as the next person, but I'm trying to make an effort. I try to avoid articles that I know won't make me think, but will just confirm the beliefs I already hold dear. "8 Reasons Tom Brady is a Cheating Douche"? I can probably figure that one out for myself I don't need to read 2,000 words from someone that will most likely end with, "but no matter what you think... he's still banging Giselle". 

As far as sensitivity is concerned, that ones a little harder to address, but let's give it the old college try. I've spent the last month at a yoga retreat to get my teaching certification, and in that time of study and practice I've come to a few conclusions. People are all very, very different, but also very much the same. There's not many of us who let everything roll off our shoulders with ease, but that should be the goal. This doesn't mean not standing up for what you believe in or taking arms against an action or statement you believe to be truly reprehensible. But it does mean taking a deep breath before taking action, and realizing that we are all fundamentally entitled to our own opinions, no matter how dumb they may seem to others. The 1st Ammendment was chosen first because it's a foundation of what this country was founded on. If we let all the little things affect us and cause us grief, how can we expect to be taken seriously when something really egregious comes up. We all have the right to our own opinions, even if some are more stupid than others, but just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean they don't have a right to say it. As George Carlin once said: 

"Rights aren't 'rights' if someone can take them away - They're privileges. That's all we've ever had in this country: a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news, even badly, you know that the list gets shorter and shorter."

The truth is the only way we are able to grow is exposing ourselves to the beliefs of others. And this works both ways, whether to affirm what you already believed, or sometimes to make you question things you once considered to be the foundation of your belief structure. If we never changed, never questioned anything, we would all be still stuck in our 10 year old minds. Every boy would be a super hero, and every girl would be a princess, but this is not reality. Things change, we adjust, we learn, and we grow, but all of a sudden it seems we've come to a hault. All this progress, all this new era of thinking has slammed on its brakes. Now all we seem to want to do is stay complacent, comfortable in our bubble, and we use social media and blogs, and other websites to simply perpetuate our own world views. You wanna know the solution, stop. It's as simple as that. Stop being complacent, stop spinning your wheels, and dare to be uncomfortable. Next time you have the choice between more cat memes, or an article or youtube video questioning something you hold sacred, pick the latter. Who knows it might even reaffirm what you already believe. But we all know cat memes only lead to one thing... more cat memes.

This isn't to say that you need to question EVERYTHING constantly, and live in this perpetual world of non-knowing and non-commital. But every once in a while, it's nice to take a walk on the wild side. Who knows you might even like it. And besides if you're a Gen-Y kid like me, and you don't yet know "The 10 Real Reasons Guys Love Blowjobs", well I'm sorry to tell you sweetheart... but you probably never will.  

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Sex and Suds... What your partners beer choice says about their sexual performance

There are numerous theories out there about how to tell before taking the next step if your new potential partner is a good lover. While science has proven most women decide within the first eight seconds whether or not they'd sleep with a man, take a deep breath ladies, and follow these rules. Now it's true things like looks, sense of humor, wallet size, all come into account for most women, but if you really wanna know if your new potential beau is worth a tango in the sack, look no further. I present to you "SEX & SUDS... What your partners beer choice tells you about their performance in the sack."

For the sake of shortening this list for time, let's just group this whole first category together. Culture evolves based on trends and those who can keep up with them and stay ahead of the curve. All others will be left in the dust, and definitely are not worthy of seeing the family jewels. With this in mind we can pretty much assume that anyone who still consumes Big Brand Beers as their main source of beer consumption is pretty lame in bed. Don't get me wrong, most of us who are in tune with the industry have our "Shame Beers" as we call them. This is a beer you don't drink regularly, but when the time is right and the beer is ice cold, it's perfectly acceptable to crack a Budlight Lime, or a Corona. However, if your new love interest seems enamored with Big Brand Names (i.e. Bud, Coors, Miller, and all their affiliates) then you most likely have a sexual dud on your hands. 


Now if you enjoy completely vanilla sex, with no foreplay, no inventive bedroom ideas, and a lot of "I don't know what's wrong, that never happens" then feel free to scope out the frat guys at the bar. If you're ready for a real man, a real Don Juan de Cerveza, then skip the big brands and find your dream guy in the rest of this list.


Now you may be thinking to yourself, "But Lager? Isn't that what Budweiser and most light beer is?" The answer is yes, but mostly NO! Big brand lagers are nothing but watered down garbage malt, a true lager is a thing of beauty and should not be shunned simply because of the bad name bestowed to it by larger brands. The Lager Guy is not simply drinking Bud Heavy, he is an astute observer of all lagers and the varieties that they encompass. Though it's more complicated than what is a Lager and what is not, for the purpose of this we will classify "Lagers" as anything crisp, clean, and refreshing. Just like his beer of choice, the Lager Guy is not a complicated creature, he works hard, he plays harder, and he understands that though other varieties may offer more complexity, he can drink 12 of his brews while other craft beer drinkers may only drink 5 or 6. That's why the Lager Guy is the marathon man in the bedroom, he may not always hit it out of the park, but you can be sure within five minutes he's back and ready for round two, and three, and four and... 
**Beers to keep an eye out for... Weltenberger Barock Helles, New Belgium Shift, Avery Joe's Pilsner, Great Divide Hoss.**

It's true in recent years just like any other trends, Craft Beer has garnered it's fair share of beer snobs, no category of this is truer than what Craft Beer enthusiasts affectionately refer to as "Hop Heads". IPA's are arguably the most complex and largest ranging style of beer right now in America. It seems every new brewery that pops up is required to have an IPA as part of their flagship lineup, and while many due a good job, some simply fall short. An experienced hop head knows EXACTLY what they want in their IPA, whether it's subtle hop notes and a light balanced body, or a dark, hoppy, malt monster, that prevents them from tasting anything else for a week. This is why hop heads are great lovers, they know exactly what they want, and they are willing to give you exactly what you need. A choke and a hair pull get your blood pumping? Just ask and you shall receive. Maybe your more into whips and handcuffs, don't be shy, just ask for it. Just be careful with these guys, they are expecting exactly the same in return, so before you let your freak flag fly, make sure your sexual values are lined up. You don't want to be trading a slight ass slap for a ball gag and nipple clamps... or maybe you do?
**Beers to keep an eye out for... Bell's Two Hearted, Dogfish Head 60/90/120 minute, The Alchemist's Heady Topper, Terrapin Recreation Ale, Ballast Point Sculpin, Oskar Blues Deviant Dales, Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, Cigar City White Oak Jai Alai... Oh My God There's Too Many!!!!**

Great stouts, just like a great lover are a truly rare find. If you find yourself on your next Tinder date and Prince Charming orders something akin to motor oil for his glass, don't fret. You will soon come to realize that this gentleman enjoys his beer the same way he enjoys his women. If he knows what he's doing you will see him warm the glass with his hands, this is essentially "Beer Foreplay". He knows in order to get the most from his beer just like to get the most out of sex, he needs to warm it up before he just starts going to town. With a stout drinker, you can expect a man who will take his time with you, because sex just like beer gets better with time. Even though this may seem to go on almost too long sometimes, he knows that it's all about enjoying the moment, and the flavors, rather than just getting it over quickly. If you're not a fan of "two-pump chumps" and gentlemen who don't (ahem) return the favor, then find yourself a man who enjoys himself something dark and luxorious. 
**Beers to keep an eye out for... North Coast Old Rasputin, Oskar Blues TenFidy, Lagunitas Cappucino Stout... and if you want a man who will take you on a sexual journey of tantric proportions, Dogfish Head World Wide Stout**

There is a sect of Craft Beer drinkers that are compulsively obsessed with any and all styles of sour beers. Traditionally a Belgian and Flemish style this once rare commodity in the states has made a huge surge in recent years with huge festivals taking place exclusively focused on this style of beer. If you've never had a sour, you will most assuredly not like it upon your first taste. This is not to say sours are bad, in fact some of the best beers I've ever had (and I've had a lot) have been sours. However, our pallets are simply not used to this style when we first try them. Many times these styles use wild yeast strains and the resulting odor produced can be somewhat off putting at first (many people associate vinegar). But once you've let your pallete adjust and found something in your wheel house, you will find that you crave this style more than you ever thought you would. That's why the Sour Snobs are basically the "Christian Grey's" of the Craft Beer world. Most of us will admit that we like the idea of something a little kinky now and again, but Sour Snobs make this a part of their every day life, searching for the weirdest, craziest, most insane shit they can get their hands on, and their sex life is much the same. If you find yourself with someone ordering drinks that come in fancy glasses, with names you need a bachelor's degree to pronounce, tread lightly, because you have found someone who doesn't know the definition of the missionary position. 
**Beers to keep an eye out for... Duchesse de Bourgogne, Petrus Red, Cuvee Des Jacobins Rouge, Basically anything from Jolly Pumpkin** 

These lords of the brown town love nothing more than the sweet nutty goodness, of a toasty brown. Look for these guys in the bar, most likely wearing something with twead patches on it and sporting an epic lip sweater. This is the kind of guy who will talk to you all night about the real philisophical construct behind the great works of Shakespeare, is Iambic pentameter really that important? Um, I don't know is a hazelnut better than a peanut, of course it is! You can assume this gentlemen is studying something like Philosophy, or Creative Writing of Early Mesopotamia, and you won't have to wait long for him to tell you all about it. While not for everyone, this lover of all thing browns, will be the perfect fit for the occasional few. Expect him to treat you like a lady, take you home to his flat, with his two cats, Socrates and Aristotle, lay you down sweetly, and then whisper every so softly in your ear, "How do you feel about anal?"
**Beers to keep an eye out for... Lost Coast Brown Ale, Samuel Smith Nut Brown, Rogue Hazelnut Brown Ale, Bell's Brown Ale**

Well now you know, it's more important sometimes what's in the glass then what may appear in front of you. Next time your out trying to find "Mr. Right" make sure you discover the type of beer man you've come across, you can save yourself a lot of time if your looking for a "Hop Head" and you come across a "Sour Snob". This is not to say everyone falls perfectly within these categories, but more often then not I think you will find this list rings true. Just be sure as with anything, too much of a good thing (in this case beer) can turn even the most perfect man, into a bumbling fool. So drink up ladies, and gents, and leave your comments below to let me know what you think of my list and if there's anything I missed.