Monday, July 7, 2014

Anxious Dreams

As I pass the one month mark until my trip I feel as if I've stepped back into my doubts from months past. I'm still excited, still ready for an adventure but as the days begin to dwindle I've started to realize "holy shit... I'm actually doing this". I'm assuming this is normal, to feel some apprehension as you close in on any huge life altering move. I've thought about past relationships, friendships, and played over and over again stories from my past in my head. I don't know what is in store for me, but I'm anxious and I'm nervous but I have to remember this is why I wanted to do this in the first place. To test myself, push my limits, and go outside of my comfort zone to see what I`m really capable of. 

I don't know if it's karma or simply an awakening, but I seem to be noticing more and more of my friends and aquaintances are doing something similar to me. How did I not notice these stories and faces before, but now they shine down on me and fill me with new life. I've received words of encouragement and inspiration, made plans with friends I might meet, and tried to mentally prepare myself for this experience. I think I'm ready, I mean I know you can never truly be "ready" for something that potentially life altering but I think I am close. The reality is I'm most likely in for a grand wide awakening and an expectations or predictions I've had will be tossed aside as soon as the plane wheels touch down. I'm excited for my new friends, where are they from, what brought them here, and most importantly, where are they going, and can I please tag along. 

I'm also excited to see how I change, how I adapt, how everything from my outlook on life to my writing style changes. If I stick this out, if I really do this, I will not be the same person in a year that I am today. I've debated what I should do to track this change, to somehow capture my transformation. Obviously this blog will be a great way to look back and track my progression but I think something visual is important to as well. So whenever I'm not sure if what I did was right or if I've really changed I will have proof to look back on and remind myself of what I've done and what I've accomplished. Because of that and because of the age we live in, I've decided on a "selfie a day". I've seen wonderful videos of how you change over a year and I've always wondered what my own transition would be like. So starting the day I land I will begin my chronicle, and use it at the end of my journey as encouragement to continue to push onward. To continue to challenge the social normalcy of society, and to continue to remind myself that I don't want to be different, I am different, because I'm not conforming to what life and society tells us to do, and I encourage you all to do the same. I know not many of you will read this and keep up, but for those of you that do I think the biggest thing I hope to accomplish is to help push you in the right direction. To give you the courage to chase your dreams no matter how silly they may seem. And maybe someday we can toast to following our dreams, while others watch them float by. 

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